blogosphere

God. The world of blogging is so surreal sometimes. I have a tendency to find a blog, and read from birth to the present day, every single weekend. Its kind of like reading a book except I learn absolutely nothing. But I suppose its like pretty much listening to a person talk about themselves for hours and hours.

Anyways. What blows my mind, is how self-promoting people are with their blogs. I come across a lot of them that have spawned their own book deals from blogs. Whoaza. The idea is crazy... that all it takes is having the right person come across your blog and you could basically expand and edit some things, then make a few thousand (or more?) just by having someone publish it.

Well, I am reading a guy's blog right now and he's really throwing himself into it. I mean, it seems like hes out for a book deal, but rather than getting that he's just gotten a lot of popularity in his hometown. In fact, when you google his first name and profession, its the first thing that pops up. Google finishes typing it for you.

Anyways. Sorry blog. I neglect you. But I don't really care. I figure I write less for self promotion and more for fun. If it seems like I am never updating, just pretend I am out having so much fun I am too busy to update.

Wprlomg on my obama cross stitch. I have about 1/5 of it done? er, maybe 1/6? Its okay. I keep tossing around ideas who I am going to give it too. I actually could keep it for myself, but honestly, I hate the way cross stitching looks. I mean, the subversive style I have done (see picture) is kind of cool I suppose, and I wouldn't mind having one or two in the house (at opposite ends) but for the most part, I think I will be giving away most of my stitching. I'd like to sell it on etsy too. I think if I could stitch all my ideas really fast, then I could get a good foot hold in the market. But I really just am lazy I suppose.

Also. This night job may be coming to a close? My boss is super excited about this case manager position that opened and me applying. She said I would probably get it. I actually didn't want to hear those words, because now, its difficult to not imagine myself doing it. If I don't get it, I may just be crushed. 8am-5pm Monday through Friday. Hows that for grown up? that just means no more long nights of surfing wikipedia and blogger.

Alright. Well back to the cross stitchin. I cant believe how time consuming this is.

i suck:
you know theres a piece of the berlin wall here in springfield
AT JACKIEOS HOUSE

me: really!?
WHOA

i suck: like i lil bitty piece
they sell them in tourist traps in germany

me: hahaha. COOOL
i was gonna look on ebay when i got home

i suck: for a lil bitty piece?

me: no.
a HUGE piece
id like to build a house out of it one day

i suck: awesome

me: thanks.
dont steal that idea tho

i suck: no way!
im going to build a house out of the qreckage of the world trade center
then everyone will say wow kyle youre house is so much more historicly poignant than micheles house

me: that is really sick

i suck: : (
too soon....

me: you build yours out of the reminder of hate. i build mine out of the reminder of freedom
saying "hey remember when the berlin wall fell?" sounds way better than "hey remember when the twin towers fell?"

i suck: does it michelle
you want to forget
you want the terrorists to win
bitch

list making

i am literally MAKING LISTS of places id rather be than here.

so flipping tired.

another uuuuuuuhg

i really cant wait till school is out. i am tired of all my friend being busy and stressed with school, and i cant wait to see my boyfriend whenever i want.

oooooooooookay

okay. so im looking a cakewrecks.blogspot.com and i realize.

life is good.

i had a GREAT time tonight, so i guess i will blog about that.

we went out for kyle's friend's girlfriends birthday. i dont know her that well, and i admit, i wasnt super excited, but i ended up having a blast!!
lots of kyles friends there, and i felt comfortable. especially since we were the first to arrive. usually that would be awkward, but i got to politely chit chat with the hostesses of the event. and then i got the most prime seat for dinner! i didnt feel left out at all like i expected. then i was actually worried about ordering at kai cuz i HATE sushi. but i found a 9 dollar FANTASTIC salad. it was so good, i had coffee afterwards!
Then we went to mudhouse and me and kyle got to chat for a bit, then kyles friend joined and i talked to him for a bit, and then birthday girl then everyone else!

a week ago, i was actually kind of upset, because birthday girl ALWAYS goes out with a bunch of guys when they have guys night according to kyle. i always was a little jealous, and thought she fit in really well. and it was some elaborate scheme to not get michelle to go. arrogant? yes, i know. but tonight, i felt like i related to her better. she didnt have a ton of girls show up and it almost turned into her boyfriends event because most of it was his friends that know her. and just so you know... thats probably how my birthday will be. i dont know. i suddenly felt like i could relate to her.

is this all confusing?

anyways. we went to mudlounge and played apples to apples and i saw a TON of people i knew there and i loved it. havent been out with a huge group in forever, and i cant tell you how comfortable i felt! maybe it was the alcohol everyone else was drinking? very good times.

i have a wonderful caring boyfriend, and i felt a little like a jerk for expecting a horrible time. hes got good friends.

also.

I LOVE FIDGET MY HOG! Hes the best. today he was going a bit crazy crawling in my lap. i love it when hes mad and puffs up. hes not doing it as much, and i am already starting to miss his timid ways! its hard to keep track of him. anyways. im trying not to be a "hedgie owner." they are a bit crazy. but i cant help it. i understand.

anyways. i am going to go to room checks and make something of my life. i feel better.

i talked to kat too for a short while and she made me feel better about my job. its pretty much a sweet setup i have she said. and just cuz its not PERFECT doesnt mean i should give up. i have a lot going for me right now and i should focus on that. plus i have a second job that totally works with me too. made me feel a lot better, knowing that the world wasnt ending and life was still good.

Uhhhhhhhg

I am feeling uber depressed today.

I had an excellent night. And I know I should NOT no matter what, focus on negative things, but just shut up and let me.

A DAY spot opened up at the TLP and i was quick to look up the hours for it.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday: noon-midnight, thursdays noon-4 or 6ish?

so it was incredibly perfect. i started to get excited.

I would have more youth involvement! And I could feel like I was actually helping and learning, and not just working and tyring to do the right thing by myself, without always doubting myself. i could be trained and really, REALLY learn how to handle situations better. I could feel more at home with other staff and maybe not like the stupid overnight worker who still doesnt know how to do anything and shrinks off at the break of day.

I could have my weekends back! Not just even the nights, but for the first time in my life, THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
I could still go out for an hour to grab a drink!
I could sleep in!
I wouldnt even HAVE to work at panera if I really didnt want too. But i could still!

heres how it works here: seniority.
i have NEVER been in a place where seniority rules. i dont want to call it dumb, because if i could, i would call that at panera sometimes... "im on bakery? hell no. im going to cafe." it just sucks. i really have passion and i wonder if that goes unnoticed. it probably does because no one sees me interact with the kids or can tell how much i really do care. working 18 hours last sunday was WORTH it to me because i was having human contact. i had no problem at all helping people or cooking for them. i will be staying later for sure on sundays.

i dont know. im just depressed. i love this job. i do. i just want to do more.