Saturday, May 02, 2009


I am feeling uber depressed today.

I had an excellent night. And I know I should NOT no matter what, focus on negative things, but just shut up and let me.

A DAY spot opened up at the TLP and i was quick to look up the hours for it.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday: noon-midnight, thursdays noon-4 or 6ish?

so it was incredibly perfect. i started to get excited.

I would have more youth involvement! And I could feel like I was actually helping and learning, and not just working and tyring to do the right thing by myself, without always doubting myself. i could be trained and really, REALLY learn how to handle situations better. I could feel more at home with other staff and maybe not like the stupid overnight worker who still doesnt know how to do anything and shrinks off at the break of day.

I could have my weekends back! Not just even the nights, but for the first time in my life, THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
I could still go out for an hour to grab a drink!
I could sleep in!
I wouldnt even HAVE to work at panera if I really didnt want too. But i could still!

heres how it works here: seniority.
i have NEVER been in a place where seniority rules. i dont want to call it dumb, because if i could, i would call that at panera sometimes... "im on bakery? hell no. im going to cafe." it just sucks. i really have passion and i wonder if that goes unnoticed. it probably does because no one sees me interact with the kids or can tell how much i really do care. working 18 hours last sunday was WORTH it to me because i was having human contact. i had no problem at all helping people or cooking for them. i will be staying later for sure on sundays.

i dont know. im just depressed. i love this job. i do. i just want to do more.

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