highs and lows

I have been getting these crazy highs and lows a lot. Mostly on the weekend. I think I try to compensate in my mind for working, so anything I like, I take that and times it by 100 and try to go off that while I am literally working 40 hours in 1weekend. But with so much downtime and little time spent around actual people, i just fuss over things, and no matter how I feel right before I get off work, sundays are always this huge disappointment.

does that make sense?

anyways. Friday morning i was told i pretty much have this day job (i really wanted it for so many reasons). i was literally told that. but i still tried not to get excited about it. i was supposed to hear back this weekend about setting up a formal interview... but thats just what it was. a formality. but then. 20 minutes before my shift gets over for the weekend, my boss calls and says they are interviewing a ton more people, and looking for someone with more expierence.

i was so crushed. i literally cried. i shut the door for 10 minutes and collected myself.

i love these kids so much, and maybe its a good thing i am not a case manager? maybe its good i can connect with them on a friend level more than someone policing their every mood.
but that still doesnt really make up for me wanting to learn more, undernstand how things work better, have more responsbility, and WAY more interaction with the kids on a daily basis.

i was excited totally siked for the hours (8-5... thats a real grown up job) but i could totally deal with it.

whatever.

im still giving the interview my best shot. but its hard to walk in, practically knowing you arent what they are looking for. why waste everyones time?

anyways. im super low right now, and its like, i have eaten nothing but shit.

tomorrow (technically today) will be (technically is) a new day. I will not end 23 being down in the dumps. Hello June.