just a great week!

Wanted to document everything in no particular order

1. new girl talk album totally out of the blue was released!
2. i got to drink a whole bottle of wine on tuesday and LISTEN to girl talk.
3. work is going awesome! totally de-esclated a situation with two youth and they are actually doing well this week.
4. got a great eval
5. got two great praises at staff meeting for my hard work at sleepout and handling youth from #3.
6. got to see an old friend at a professional event. got to speak with her about some dreams, and with her help, they could totally be possible.
7. starbuck! buy one get one free for FOUR DAYS in a row!
8. got a 10 dollar jimmy johns gift card in the mail for entering a contest i didnt win.
9. friggin LOVE my new co-case manager.
10. boyfriend comes in to town TOMORROW!!!! havent seen him in 3 weeks at least!
11. Found out gonna get to see some family for thanksgiving. also found out drive is only a 6 hr one and doesnt have to be made until wednesday.
12. an old friend contacted me from my catholic school days. really psyched to get caught up with him.
13. david sedaris season is here.
14. the office at work is clean
15. did REALLY well on our inspections at work too. the youth are great. staff are great.

theres more. but i really cant think now.

i gotta say this...

No other love can replace the love you have for yourself.

i am beautiful. just as i am.


i am thinking about deactivating my facebook. i will think about it a while longer.
i am tire of just getting caught up in the world of vacation pictures, nights out on the town status updates, and notes about random details of peoples' lives.

i wish we could all just be who we are without having the need to show it off.



:)

i feel better already.

someitmes

sometimes i feel like screaming WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING.

like today. and the day before that. and the day before that. and probably tomorrow.


i just want someone to tell me where to go. i dont want to settle into complacency again. but i know i will after this.

help me!

thing i need to replace for elaina

...while im thinking about it...

1. pitcher
2. baking pan. nice. pyrex
3. body shop electric fume thing

All the reasons I am going to love working my new job...

1. NO. MORE. NIGHTS.
2. I will be in a routine!
3. I can have my WEEKENDS back!
4. No more weird hours.
5. My social life!!!!
6. I can lose weight!
7. Once I get on a workout schedule, I have no excuse to fall off the wagon (i.e. well i only have 10 real hours to sleep, so I best be getting home and not wasting time running in place).
8. I can have so much more variety in my job!
9. I have a REAL job using that degree I got.
10. keeping myself busy and not spending money.
11. the children! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I AM A CASE MANAGER!!!!!

Working and other life...

"Working and other life" is the title of this blog post, but really i just think, "WHAT other life!?"
It really seems like work dominates my life. Especially lately. So many people are taking their vacation time, that means that I will be working a lot more. Good for money I suppose.

But this overnight work is finally starting to get to me. I love my job. I love the kids. I even like the people I work with and the things I do, but my emotional balance and my overall physical health/appearence is just SHIT.

I am always depressed. If I am happy, its usually either overshadowed by depressing thoughts or I have this horrible crash.

I have gotten into fights with Kyle a few weeks in a row. I have cried unexpectedly. I have called my mom and done nothing but complained. I have been so sick with my appearence and weight gain, I don't eat. Until the evening comes around, and I reach a new level of sadness and I just binge.

The fact that I can't just take off totally fucking blows. I have truly grown up and entered the adult world. Tied to a desk. Working for a paycheck. Paying my bills and *trying* and unsuccessfully trying to save money. Throwing my money to that black hole of debt.

Alright. Typing all that out actually made me feel a little better.

Kyle is wonderful. He got me a pretty flower which is sitting in my room on my desk right now. In fact, I am so over emotional right now, I am getting teary eyed about how wonderful it is.

I don't know. I just want to take this case worker job and I just know, deep in my heart, I am not getting it. A supervisor position opened up at Panera and I didn't even KNOW about it till the last day of being posted. I want the TLP to just tell me they can't hire me and I want to go back to Panera. I could make so much more money there actually, working as a supervisor.

Okay. I lied.

I don't really want to work there. I just want a decent schedule.
I suppose I can stick this job out. It will be so good for me in the long run. And I do love it so much. It's just very very hard sometimes.

anyways. i suppose overall this whole week may look up. wednesday is my birthday. I would love to do a 14 mile day float trip, but easier said than done. kyle cant miss school. loren works. tesa works. cassie works. uuuuuhg. hopefully we can get people to show up for drinks later.

anyways, im getting off here for now. im just depressing myself.